


online dating is for squares and Pete Wentz

by Vulpix



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M, Online Dating, oblivious pete
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 06:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4009627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vulpix/pseuds/Vulpix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hesitated, then actually hit the little “sign up” button. It was only for a joke. Only so he could prove to Joe this was stupid, and then he’d be able to move on and meet someone the normal way.</p><p>(or Pete ends up with someone who's more than he bargained for.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	online dating is for squares and Pete Wentz

**Author's Note:**

> what does any normal person do to procrastinate? write fanfiction, of course.

The main thing about dating and being a rockstar: it was hard to walk up to some random person at Starbucks and ask for their number, especially if you were Pete Wentz. He’d get one of three reactions.

One, the fan girl. Someone who happened to know who he was and had already convinced themselves that they were getting married to him. That was usually a no-go. While his ego could be on the larger side at times, he didn’t need to be gushed over.

Two, the hater. Pete felt like there had to be a “Pete Wentz Anti-Fanclub” meeting at every Starbucks in LA, as whenever he walked in, he’d get glared at, and hear something about “that emo scum” or along similar lines.

And three, somehow the least likely with girls he was attracted to, the ones who had no idea who he was, and didn’t care in the least. That was his goal, honestly. And for whatever reason, he was extremely unlucky when trying to find those girls.

Pete groaned, his hands slipping through his blonde hair, making it stick up every which way. Joe raised an eyebrow that Pete mostly ignored. He just took another sip of his drink without responding to it. That just made Joe clear his throat. That went ignored as well.

“Seriously, Pete, what crawled up your ass and died?” He looked away from his laptop, up at the reddened eyes of his guitarist. His lips quirked a little bit. He loved when Joe was high. Not that sober Joe was less entertaining or something, but stoned Joe was a sight to see.

He shrugged. “It’s nothing,”

Joe made a noise that resembled a snort. “Obviously it’s something. Is it... Meagan still?”

He was extra careful when he mentioned Pete’s ex, but Pete had become a stronger person. He wasn’t about to go have another reality TV worthy breakdown over a lost relationship. Things just didn’t work out. It had been a good chunk of time. Enough for him to be thinking about new things, new people.

Meagan had fallen into a weird category. She knew who Pete Wentz was, she even knew about his terrible break up, and his little son at home. But she didn’t care. She spoke to him like he was a human being, and that made all the difference. That’s why they dated for so long. That’s why they had a child together. But evidently, they had grown apart. Quite maturely, all things considered. Pete was still a little bit of a mess after the break up, but nothing comparable to the past.

He shook his head. “Joe, I’m alright with that now, actually,” he said softly, then chewed on his lips, eyes roaming the bus for a distraction. The TV was coincidentally playing the bachelorette, and that just made his eyes dart to his guitarist. “Actually… I’m ready to move on, if anything. I just don’t know how. I’ve already gotten like, two chances. But whoever I talk to already has a judgement on me and it fucking sucks. People can’t get to know me before they feel like they know me. Plus, god, I know I’ve googled first dates. What do my first dates get when they google me? Nudes and pictures of me in eyeliner or shit about my exes? Nah. That is not a good first impression.”

Joe, in his infinite wisdom, was silent for a few moments. Pete actually thought that he had fallen asleep, until he shrugged a little. “Ever consider online dating?”

Andy, who had been watching the exchange, fell into a flurry of laughter, and Pete’s jaw dislocated and hit the ground. “Are you kidding me? _Online dating?”_ He shook his head quickly, “That’s like, asking to hook up with a sixty five year old man.”

“Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it. A few of my old buddies found their wives on like, eHarmony or some shit. Find something anonymous. Go from there.” Joe decided he was done talking, and got up, preparing some of left over Chinese food they had gotten earlier in the day.

Pete shook his head, while Andy kept on holding back giggles. “Sorry, Joe. I think I’ll try my chances in the real world.” He closed his laptop to make a point, and got up, heading into the back of the bus. Patrick had decided to hole up there while he wrote, considering Joe was probably giving everyone in the front a second hand high. Poor Andy.

He huffed as he plopped down, Patrick ignoring him at first. It was obvious to just about anyone that Pete was annoyed. The pout on his lips showed it. Patrick, considering they were best friends and all, could sense it the second he walked in. The way he huffed when he sat down, too. He finished what he was doing, then pulled out his headphones, glancing up at the bleach blonde.

“What’s up?” he asked.

Pete shook his head, opening his laptop back up. “Joe’s being stupid.” Patrick didn’t seem too surprised by that, and took it as reason enough and went back to his work.

Pete glared at his homepage. Online dating? He was 35- going on 36- not in his latter 40’s. Wasn’t that for 40-something year old housewives, divorced with kids who drank on the weekends? His thoughts paused there. Well, he wasn’t 40-something, but that was pretty spot on to his life at the moment.

Joe had a point too. He had heard a couple of friends actually find someone they were still with. And it was pretty much what he was asking for. A way for people to get to know him before they thought they knew him.

Before he really knew it, he was on one of those godforsaken dating sites. This one boasted anonymity being the most important part. Pete didn’t want any indication of him being him on his profile. He hesitated, then actually hit the little “sign up” button. It was only for a joke. Only so he could prove to Joe this was stupid, and then he’d be able to move on and meet someone the normal way.

Username. Hm. He put in a few ideas, most including his birth year and his love for Metallica before he simply filled in _“PxRock”_.

His likes went about the same way. He couldn’t help but slip American Beauty and American Psycho in his favorite movies, making sure they were separate. And then the question of sexuality came up. He felt like flipping a coin. But why choose? He quickly clicked bisexual, and submit his profile before he could second guess himself.

“C’mon, you two. Show time!” He glanced up, quickly closing the window he had opened, shutting his laptop. Patrick looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What, were you watching something you shouldn’t have been watching?” Patrick chuckled, and Pete realized that reaction was a little overboard. He didn’t need Trohman rubbing this in his face.

The show was sweaty, hot, and absolutely wonderful. The crowd was great, and it left Pete exhausted. He was curling up in his hotel room bed when he realized that he hadn’t checked any of his matches. He shifted his eyes over to Patrick, who was working on something on his laptop. He turned so he was facing him, lifting his phone to his face. He didn’t want to chance his best friend seeing how desperate he was. At least it wasn’t Grindr.

He browsed a few of the profiles that matched up with his own. Any time he saw Fall Out Boy, he made sure to blacklist them. By the time he had gone through twenty or so profiles, he hit a match that made him grin to himself.

The user was called _“RckTheory”,_ and seemed to be into music, considering his favorites were skimpy save for the music section. It was filled with varying artists. Taylor Swift to Metallica to Taking Back Sunday and even some indie bands Pete could hardly recognize. His “about me” even included several puns to some of Pete’s favorite movies. Apparently in the LA area, too.

In his over eagerness, he sent a message despite the fact it was nearing 1 AM.

_PxRock: r u the keymaster?_

He added a random emoji to hopefully make it sound a little less weird if they didn’t get the reference, and then locked his phone, not expecting a reply considering how late it was. It ended up being pointless, as mere moments later his phone buzzed in his hands.

_RckTheory: come with me if you want to live._

_PxRock: out of all of the lines of terminator 2 u choose that? im almost disappointed._

_RckTheory: I’ll be back. With better pickup lines._

The conversation continued on in that fashion until about 3 AM. In that time, he learned that this RckTheory guy had a nearly impeccable taste in movies despite what his profile originally seemed.

_RckTheory: I’m going to be honest here, I wasn’t really expecting anything from this stupid site but you seem really cool._

_PxRock: i dont think anyone does. ur p cool, too. ;)_

_RckTheory: I’d love to keep getting ego boosters from you, but it’s late, and I need to sleep._

_PxRock: i dont rlly sleep. but get ur beauty sleep, even though i doubt youd need it._

_RckTheory: You’re a charmer. :P Goodnight! :)_

_PxRock: gnight xx_

Pete couldn’t sleep that night. He was tossing and turning with a grin on his face.

The next week or so followed the same suit. He’d casually hide his phone so no one would notice that he wasn’t texting, but instead he was absorbed in this guy he didn’t even know the name of.

_PxRock: can i ask u something and not give u the answer of it?_

_RckTheory: Cryptic. Sure._

_PxRock: whats ur name?_

_RckTheory: You can’t tell me your name?_

_PxRock: im a cia agent. i can tell u but then i have to kill u._

_RckTheory: I’m Pat._

Pete heard the record scratch. That was an odd thing. He glanced up to Patrick who had his headphones in, and he could hear various musical instruments being tested out. Would Patrick care if he dated a guy named Pat? It wasn’t like Patrick liked being called Pat.

_PxRock: nice to meet u, pat._

_RckTheory: Will I ever get your name?_

_PxRock: when we meet._

_RckTheory: Do you want to meet?_

_PxRock: yah. im away for work rn tho._

_RckTheory: When are you free?_

_PxRock: um, lemme check._

Pete started to browse his calendar, grinning a little.

_PxRock: how does the 12th sound?_

_RckTheory: Perfect, actually. Do you have a place in mind?_

_PxRock: is coffee too typical for a 1st date?_

_RckTheory: Are you worrying about being too typical?_

_PxRock: r we just going in circles with questions?_

_RckTheory: Maybe. 0:)_

_PxRock: have u ever heard of the roast? i think we should be a lil classier than starbucks._

_RckTheory: I have, actually. The Roast at 1 PM on the 12th?_

_PxRock: sounds great. :x_

Pete was more excited than a child on Christmas. Sure he liked touring, but the more he spoke to this Pat fellow, the more ecstatic and excited he got for their coffee date. It was noticed in the entire band. Andy finally pinned him down one day, leaving him yelping and struggling to get out of his hold.

“What has gotten into you!?” He grumbled, an arm wrapped around his neck in a headlock. “Is it 2005 again!?” He must have really gotten on Andy’s nerves, considering he was hardly ever put in a position like this.

“You swear not to tell anyone?” He asked softly, looking up at him with wide eyes, finally calming his flailing.

Andy relaxed his arms, letting Pete sit normally. “Yeah, I won’t. What’s up?”

Pete picked at his lip, looking down. “Uh. You know how Joe mentioned maybe trying online dating?” Andy nodded, actually appearing quite stoic. He was expecting a little bit of teasing. “Well, I met someone online and we have a date set up for right after tour and I’m a little excited. They… they seem other worldly. It’s fucking awesome, dude.”

Pete realized he was gushing, and he shut up, a grin appearing on his lips. “That’s great to hear, Pete. You’re meeting in a public place though, right? There are some creepy people on those sites.” He nodded, and Andy smiled warmly. “I’m happy to hear you’re getting your head in the game again.”

_PxRock: u arent creepy, right?_

_RckTheory: Excuse me?_

_PxRock: i told 1 of my coworkers im meeting up with u and he said creepy people are on these sites._

_PxRock: u arent creepy, right?_

_RckTheory: Considering you’re the one who isn’t giving me his name, no I’m not. Do I get any hint why I can’t get your name?_

_PxRock: u will get it on friday. u may get it then. maybe not even then but I can explain it._

_RckTheory: Can’t wait until Friday, then. x And no, I’m not creepy. Unless you consider a thirty one year old wearing ninja turtle pajamas creepy. Then I’m totally creepy._

_PxRock: thats my kind of creepy x ;P to be fair i sleep in nothing at all usually._

_RckTheory: That’s a sight I’d like to see. ;) What do you look like?_

_PxRock: oh really now? wait til friday :p_

Pete spent the entire morning before his date trying to pick out an outfit. He wanted to try to curb the stereotypical “emo” reaction, but he didn’t want to be easily recognizable for any paparazzi lurking around. That effort was sort of wasted, considering his bleached hair made him stick out. He opted for a typical black t-shirt and jeans combo, and went early.

They had determined to meet at a particular table, and his stomach filled with dread when he realized it was taken as he walked in. Though it was quickly replaced when he realized it was Patrick. He grabbed something to drink, and sat at the table.

“Hey Pattycakes. A surprise to see you here up and early.” Pete said, flashing him a grin. “You usually never come here. You said they burnt the coffee or something.”

Patrick rolled his eyes. “They don’t have very good tea. And uh,” He almost looked like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “It’s nothing.”

Pete nudged his foot under the table. “That is so obviously something. Spill, Stump.” He checked his phone. 12:30. He still had some time.

Patrick fixed his fedora, then sighed softly. “I’m… I’m waiting for a date. H-… She’s due soon. So you should scoot. It’s our first time actually going out on a date and the last thing I need is you telling embarrassing stories.” Pete mocked offense.

“I know you have had your fair share of embarrassing stories, but jeeeeze. I uh, I can’t anyway. I’m meeting a date here too.” Pete’s smile turned sheepish.

Patrick, on the other hand, looked a little puzzled. “You’re meeting a date? You’re dating again?”

Pete sipped his drink, deciding to be honest to his best friend. “Yeah… I uh… Crap. So Joe mentioned online dating, and even though he was joking I signed up and here we are.” He chewed on his straw. “He should be here around one.”

Patrick nodded, looking a little disturbed. Pete chalked it up to him just being surprised at the pronoun. His eyes went to his phone, and he started to fiddle with it a little. Pete took that as the conversation was over, and he started fiddling with his own.

_RckTheory: I’m here._

Pete looked up and around. There were a few cute guys, but no one on their phones. Maybe he was a she?

_PxRock: im here too. @ the table w/ a friend._

Pete kept glancing around. Had anyone walked in without him noticing? Maybe there was another café in LA called The Roast. It was a pretty common name, but he was pretty sure they had checked into that…

_RckTheory: Me too._

Pete blinked a few times. Me too? He glanced up at Patrick, then glanced around the room. Everyone was sitting with someone. Perhaps they had gotten mixed up with what table…

_RckTheory: Pete you’re sort of oblivious._

Pete then froze. His eyes stared at _his name._ Had he gotten drunk and spilled? The message history said no. His eyes lifted to look at Patrick, who was biting his lip and staring at him.

No. Fucking. Way.

“She?” Pete squeaked out, eyes wide.

“Him. I met him online,” Patrick hardly managed.

Pete’s brain was reeling. “You never, ever go by Pat.”

“You never go by PxRock,” he pointed out softly.

“We nearly sexted!” He cried out, trying not to be so loud.

“I _know_.” Patrick covered up his face, pulling his hat off.

Pete stared for a few minutes, before Patrick looked at him again. Once he did, he got up, and walked over to the counter, grabbing them both a new drink. He made an act of it, looking around, and spotting Patrick. Every movement was over exaggerated as he walked over.

“Pat? Are you Pat?” He offered the drink with a bit of a smile. “I’m Pete. The guy you’ve been talking to.”

Patrick raised an eyebrow. “You’re Pete Wentz? More like who cares?” They shared a grin, and Pete settled down across from him.

After a few hours of talking, and they had gone from seated across from each other to a pile of cuddling limbs on the couch in Pete's place.

“So, you never told me,” Pete said softly, his hands tracing shapes into Patrick’s arms. He hummed softly in response, too content to actually open his mouth. “Online dating? Why exactly?”

Patrick laughed softly, resting his head on his shoulder. “I kind of realized I needed to settle down eventually. You know me, a little deviant.” He shrugged. “My brother found someone on that site. We had a long talk over the holidays about me and my lack of a plus one. I opened up about being a little less straight and a little more... fluid about things, I guess? I uh… I was on it a few weeks but never really hit it off with anyone.” He opted to shrug again.

Pete nodded, his hands intertwining with Patrick’s. “And sweet innocent little Pat-rick nearly sexted with someone he didn’t meet?” He nudged the vocalist, whose cheeks in turn became slightly redder than usual.

“I’d like to point out the fact you bought drinks that night. It was a set up!” He laughed softly, but then became suddenly aware of Pete’s wandering hand.

His lips pressed right underneath Patrick’s ear. “Well, considering we’ve known each other for, what, fourteen years? What do you think right now?”

Patrick’s breath became a bit shallower, and he tilted his head to give a little bit of a better access. “I think your bed looks mighty comfortable right about now.”

Pete and Patrick ended up as a pile of clothless limbs in his bed, with Pete’s arms securely wrapped around Patrick as he slept. Pete couldn’t sleep, so he sat up on his phone until his lids grew heavy.

_PxRock: i think were going to have to stop talking. im sorry, u stood me up and i fell for someone else x_

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on tumblr, @ asoulpunk


End file.
